some lines from whitman

I left work early this evening so I could come home and watch The OC, and watch it I did, curled up on my couch, a cliche, stuffing my face with chinese food and sighing in sympathy as Seth Coen was dumped for some petty reason.

I don't think Screech counts, but this is one of the first instances on the television I've seen where there is such a sensitive guy that you are supposed to feel sympathy with - that is actually cool. So Seth Coen sat there on his bed at the end of the show listening to really sappy indie rock and I think a sympathetic "Oh" may even have left my lips.

Today at work, I talked, finally, to the crush who may or may not have been mentioned in here, and if he hasn't then that is a shame. His name is Evan. He has red hair. He is strikingly beautiful. I can only think of one more beautiful boy in this city. And this is a city filled with them so that is saying a lot. He has an outrageously blue pair of eyes and he is so skinny, dresses really sharp - tonight, he was wearing a pinstripe jacket, a partially unbuttoned shirt with a loose tie, and a pair of brown pants. I saw the little orange hairs on his chest while we were talking tonight in the poetry aisle. I was basically staring into space, killing time, and he appeared asking me if I had seen a book by Rene Char. I hadn't. But I asked him about this poet. He told me about him and then we talked about others. He really likes French poets. I laughed at this because it is eating chinese food while watching sappy teen shows - it is cliche. Basically, I've never read any of the people he's loves, nor has he read the people I love save Whitman and Stevens. It was so cute, talking to my crush about poetry of all things.

And my god, his voice - I think it may be the most beautiful thing about him. Lately, I am realizing I have a fetish for beautiful slightly femme voices, or just voices that crisply accent each syllable they say. And each time he was talking, I kept on trying to figure out whose voice his sounded like, and really, I am not sure if it is anyone specific - it just be some of these same patterns of speech that some gay males have. He sounds a bit like David from Mirror Mirror. And nothing is ever going to come of this crush. The Strand rumor mill told me he has a boyfriend and I am so fine with that - it makes this such a pressure-free, pure crush - not wanting anything, just to gaze and peek at him from across the store and occaionally to talk to him, and feel that giddiness. Because there is something so satisfying about that. The strong sweet quality he has strikes through the cotton and broadcloth,/ To see him pass conveys as much as the best poem, perhaps more,/ You linger to see his back, and the back of his neck and shoulder-side.

And I am like Whitman, a voyeur if you want to make it crass, but I just love feeling that there is something so beautiful, something so lovely, and that it is human like I, and to feel the giddiness that life can be so magical, that the sight of something, another person, can stir these things in me.