I was lying next to Alex in the dark. We were touching each other, holding each other, talking. He mentioned going out on a date the night before with a young boy, a Joe. It didn't seem organic the way it was brought up. I wondered for a bit about his purpose in doing so, whether it was simply bragging, a pure desire to share, or to cause some jealousy. I may have asked whether he wished he were sleeping next to Joe. I may not have. He did say this though, obviously not thinking about its effects, saying he wished he were sleeping next to someone else. Even in the dark, he could sense my body's reaction to that statement. To be someone's second choice, their backup plan, is okay; it is okay just so long as I am not told that's what is going on. He apologized and backtracked, saying he just said that because I had already told him I didn't want a relationship and that this other boy did.

The moment passed because it had to, because I needed to not have a boy leave in the middle of the night, because I didn't want to sleep alone, because I couldn't on this day, because I was terribly lonely and just needed to not feel that way for at least a few hours, because I did like this boy and touching his skin and being wrapped up in him. We talked about other things, rolled around some, had sex, and slept with arms wrapped around each other. It felt really nice.

This morning, I woke up to a call, reminding me of a work appointment at 3:30. Alex said that we would have to have a quickie. We started to jerk off and then he said that we shouldn't if I had to work soon, that he should go. I was annoyed with him because I was horny and he was too and he was doing something I didn't understand. He would say, not entirely convincingly, that we shouldn't do anything, would then stroke his boner, and then would turn on the cold water, saying we couldn't do anything. After a bit of this, too much of this, he said that he should leave, saying it in a way where he had no intention of leaving and wanted me to hug him more and say no, say stay, but instead, annoyed, I said yes, I said you should.

He took his time getting dressed. I made coffee and then sat down at my computer, back turned to him, to read the news, to not have to intereact with him until he left. Done getting dressed, I kissed him goodbye as he left, aware that it was probably for good, locked the door behind him.