I was at Jaymay's show last night at Rockwood Music Hall and the space was really tiny, people pressed up against each other, various old faces scattered around the room. Ahead of me though was this guy, rich looking, yakking away to his two female companions throughout the show, talking about specific songs, making references to Cat Power, one of those persons unable to have any experience alone, having to make sure it was shared with the people he was with. It felt like some weird version of Mystery Science Theater 3000, these well-styled heads right ahead of me, laughing to each other, leaning in to one another to whisper, blocking my view and distracting from the main show I kept on trying to focus on. I succeeded for the most part and thought about boys, most of the songs about that subject, and thought about my life and the progress I am not making with it. Thoughts came and went.

At one point, I was recalling the earlier part of my day, my time spent with Alex, and thought how weird it was that while I had been lying on my back, smiling up at him, he had remarked that I looked like Patrick Dempsey (a compliment that I cannot see) and Jonathan Larson (not exactly a compliment, but something which I can at least kind of see). This was really stunning to me since the evening prior I had recounted to Ethan how during that time I was a nutcracker countless people would tell me that I looked like Patrick Dempsey. I am assuming that anyone reading this knows me in real life and knows that aside from the fact that I (like most people) have brown hair, there is no resemblance whatsoever. That so many people told me this for a period of time had me very confused because this was something I had never heard before and then was suddenly hearing it so often. I became a little convinced that this was some giant orchestrated joke, that the world was trying to make me feel totally crazy, to inspect myself closer, wondering if I had no self-perception at all, and looking at pictures of this star on newstands and seeing nothing. So for this boy, basically a stranger, to tell me this while in bed yesterday really brought on this feeling that the joke was back on. Because I find it so weird (and probably also because there isn't that much going on in my life these days, being unemployed and all), my mind wandered back to this while Jaymay was playing. While thinking of this, I got a text message from that boy Taylor, inexperienced college student, I had that threesome with a month ago. The text message: "U look just like patrick dempsey. Im going to a punk band tomorrow night at 113 ludlow if u want to come." The timing of that message coninciding with thoughts on that subject made me certain that this is some cosmic joke. There is a punchline or this is a clue to something, a dream that needs decoding, and I have yet to figure that out.

After that show, I walked up to The Rapture, caught the end of Readings for Filth, and was really surprised by Sophia Lamar, someone I didn't expect to be good. And it probably wouldn't have read well on paper, but she gave a really fantastic performance that won over the crowd and certainly won over me, a really fantastic reading of "key words" and "key phrases" with a magnifying glass. Though it was just a litany of dirty words, there was something really fantastic and poetic about it, absurd as it was.

I had a beer with Diego afterwards at Phoenix. He was dressed nicely and was looking really cute to me, his smile, his eyes. I told him he should come over and play Scrabble. At my house, we drank more and actually did start to play Scrabble. We didn't finish the game, other things holding more interest to us than the assembling of tiles with letters on them to form words.