Tonight, I tried to go to see a screening of a Wes Anderson short. The event was at nine. I had left at eight. Even if I had actually been at the event at eight, it is doubtful that I would have gotten seating, but by the time the M train finally came and rode the two stops before stopping at Myrtle and making everyone wait for a J train the time was 8:40. I gave up then, walked home from there, resolving to myself, yet again, that I needed to move. The location is not convenient for the type of lifestyle I am still holding to, running to this or that event, wanting to go to this or that bar. There is too much commute time. But then, walking home from the Myrtle stop, through Bushwick, the non-industrial parts of it, I again appreciated so much where it was I lived, that the neighborhood is that, a cute neighborhood with lots of life, homes, trees, and people.

I live across the street from a beautiful park. Right outside my door there is a bodega that sells roast beef sandwiches for three dollars. Near my old house, if I desired a late night sandwich, I would have had to go to Sunac or Hana and pay six or seven dollars for a sandwich. There is an amazing fruit stand with so much cheap produce right around the corner from my house. There is a pizza place less than a block away, another one two blocks away, and countless Mexican, Dominican, and Salvadorean places all over. This is the image of New York I had in my head as a teen when I daydreamed about moving here. Fruit stands always factored into those fantasies. In my imagined New York, there were fruit stands on every block and that I finally am living in this imagined version makes me so happy every time I walk past the place, Angel's.

There is all of that, and then there is its distance from places where I spend my time, where I hang out, where I work, where I get drunk, where I go to events.

Niki is watching Dancing With the Stars. We live in a railroad apartment. Even in my room, headphones playing Gillian Welch, I can still hear the car commercials. The sound of television really makes me crazy. My job is boring and each day I struggle to stay awake, have to list for myself the benefits of working, that it could bring, things I can buy, places I can visit, houses I can move into, if I continue to work. Today was amazingly beautiful and on my lunch break, I laid out shirtless by the river, wanting oh so badly to be able to dive in, to be swimming in water.