Ryan

About a month or so ago, a little less than a month ago, I had joined what was basically a gay porn version of Netflix, NYMmedia, and before I was billed for another month, for various reasons, I decided to quit the service. The service was nice and allowed me to watch some porns that I had been wanting to see for a while, Through the Woods and The Big Dick Club, both starring Pierre Fitch, and Cream BBboys, starring Brent Corrigan. There are still many porns on my list to see, and many production companies that I would still like to become familiar with, but there were those reasons I had mentioned, and which I have yet to enumerate, that caused me to decide it would be a good idea to cancel this service.

One of those reasons was the existence of Veoh. I had been spending hours on Veoh looking at random porn clips, random international tv clips with naked people, random home sex videos, random Webcam jackoff videos—the amount of hot stuff on there was amazing, and it was providing a free, easy-to-use format in which to view all this masturbation fodder, and so, it made the NYMmedia subscription seem somewhat unnecessary since I could watch all the hot gay porn my heart could ever desire here on this site. However, that adage that all good things must come to an end was proven true yet again, life seems to a constant reaffirmation of this adage, and it was announced a couple of days ago that Veoh, for all too obvious legal and copyright reasons, was changing their terms of service to no longer allow any pornographic videos, which really was the only reason people used Veoh at all, there already being YouTube for clean videos. And so that reason is no longer valid, and I need to await the arrival of a new competitor in this user posted video space that again allows this exciting porn world to flourish, or need to wait until I get a new job and it seems more reasonable to subscribe to a gay porn video service again.

Then there is Manhunt. After having heard people talk about this site for the past couple years and being curious about it, I created an account on there a couple of days ago to join this exciting world of horny gay males showing their penises and looking for physical contact, for, as Bruce Springsteen sang, a little of that human touch. And the free account was totally inadequate and was enough to whet my appetite for a paid account, to actually be able to see the pictures of people in a size larger than a thumbnail image, to actually be able to see what these young lads looked like, whether the adjective, dashing, could be inserted prior to young lads. And it was when I decided to get a paid account that I decided that that was coming at the expense of the gay porn, that really, I had to have some self-control not only for self-policing reasons of what type of person I would like to be, but also for financial reasons—it seemed totally exorbitant, or if not that, at least excessive, to have both, and so I said good-bye to NYMmedia, telling myself that, in some ways, Manhunt would be better for me, that with this at least, as their surely was not with gay porn DVDs, there was the potential of perhaps making a human connection and, you know, being a little more connected to the patterns and the habits that have defined human society for several millennia, the physical affection with another person, bodies groping together against time.

And while, yes, this has yet to happen, having actually hooked up with a person, a boy, perhaps even a dashing one, through Manhunt, there is that obvious potential there for that that I do plan to utilize, and the knowledge of that clear potential served as a bit of motivation to me last night at Metropolitan. Mentally, I had told myself that I wanted to sleep with someone and that it was going to happen, and that I needed to put myself out there, to talk to boys at the Metropolitan, or otherwise, I was going to go home and find what I was looking for, or a close approximation of that, on Manhunt.

I was there with Ethan and talked to him about boys, as I tend to talk about often, particularly when drunk and when at gay bars and when horny, and I talked about boys I thought were cute, two in particular, and found myself too shy to approach them, to talk to them, and again, life again reaffirmed some adages about time and taking advantage of it and of early birds and big worms and things ending. The two boys left, one shortly after the next. And I could continue on this path, looking at attractive boys until they left and doing this until the bar closed, or until it got close enough to that point that any boys I found attractive would have all been gone, and I decided not to continue on this path. There was also the help of several beers in this determination.

Joe and Dustin arrived and I talked to Ethan and them for a while, on and off. Off because having found this total lack of self-consciousness, of shyness, I made eyes at this really attractive boy and got him to come talk to me, and we chatted for a bit, and I wasn’t what he wanted, that or he was telling the truth that he had to leave with his friends, and he left. But undeterred as I might otherwise have been at times like this, I decided to keep on pressing on, and started talking to some cute boy who was standing alone, and talked to him until I was thoroughly bored hearing him talk about interior designing, and this time was the one to make excuses to leave the conversation, again using the excuse that I had to find my friends.

I went back inside and found them at the bar, and this cute boy who I had been staring at earlier was walking by and so I screamed HI at him, and caught his attention, and began to chat with this boy, with Ryan. And really, it’s so easy. Everyone is up for play; no one’s out of reach. There are people who you think to be and then you talk to them and they are sweet as can be and also obviously attracted to you, and I am really going to try to continue this lack of shyness toward boys. I think I learned some valuable lessons last night, that everyone is looking for something and maybe what you’re looking for aligns with what they are and maybe it doesn’t, but this is only found out through approaching the person and talking to them.

And this boy, Ryan, was, and is still, so cute — brown hair and brown eyes and this really boyish face. I chatted with him for a long time, the conversation coming really easily, filled with a lot of jokes, a lot of laughing, and I don’t think once was I bored, was I annoyed by something he said. And after chatting with him for a long bit, I made out with him on the couch, and then in the girl’s bathroom, and then in my bedroom.

This is my last week in this bedroom before I move into the big one, and I have finally, after living this bedroom for close to a year, finally broken it in, slept with someone in there for the first time. He has a nice soft body that I was really glad to have in my bed. We were up till five-thirty or so, went to bed after dawn had already arrived, as the sky was already well lit. And at eight-thirty, I woke up, unable to sleep and came out into the living room to eat and read, and shortly thereafter, he woke up also, and we lied in bed talking for a couple of hours until he left late this morning. I don’t think I have too much in common with this boy, his favorite singer is Cher, and he worryingly seems to like a lot of Top 40 cheesy stuff (Pink) in a non-ironic way, but I also kind of don’t care, and thinking back, the sweetest people have always been these type, the people that I don’t really have too much in common with taste-wise, but whom I am really physically attracted to and who are just grounded, kind people, that too often I think have mistaken tastes for personality, for what a person really is. And so, I imagine, and I hope, that I will see this boy again shortly.