Shit, I have a crush. Nothing new. And worse, I've already slept with him. So it's been a while and nothing is probably going to come of it. This, Halloween hookup, Ryan.

I went to Beauty Bar tonight for the first time since the night of awfulness where I threw myself at countless boys in shameless and dramatic ways, getting kicked out, and then coming home and puking all over myself and my bed. Tonight, none of that occurred. I was more caffeinated than drunk (thank you, Sparks!), and danced to so many songs that made me really happy (again, thank you, Sparks!) and hit on some boy on the street with an accent, gave him a tulip care of Gabriel, and nothing came of that, but he is not the crush.

That would be Ryan, who we ran into on the subway ride home, and who was coming from the emergency room after having a cyst on his ass taken care of. He told the story in this gorgeous voice and I was so smitten listening to his gay affectations punctuating the story, and I walked with him part of the way home as he hobbled, having to walk slow. And why do I only get smitten with boys when nothing has the chance to happen, or when my chance has come and gone?

Fuck Sparks, I am wired and am not falling asleep anytime soon.

PS - I want pizza. Bad. Like the desert misses the rain. Shit.