what fucking evs

Fuck, I mean it is hard for me to talk about boys without sounding like a gossip, like a boy crazy nut, which, you know, I might very well may be - in fact, probably am - and so, as all good gossips say, whatevs - I am going to talk about boys. I went to Metropolitan tonight with Joe and it was cruisy, which is rare for the bar, and everyone seemed to be way trashed. Christopher, my long standing crush of the past nearly three years, whom I have probably talked to you at one point or another if I have talked to you at all - well, he was there, and after that fiasco at Ashton's birthday party, I expected him to never talk to me again, but tonight, he yelled my name and said a really energetic hello. And I talked to him on and off again throughout the night, and really, I think he may have been flirting with me. And Anthony was there also, and Christopher asked how we knew each other. And Anthony, saying what I was about to say, said, "Oh, we slept together once, and then he never called me."

Anthony left, and I chatted with C, and man, look at all these ands - and then this and then that, and then he said, and then he did this - again, whatevs - C confirmed with me that I slept with Anthony in what I thought was a mildy competitive tone, and then I asked him if he had slept with Anthony also, and after trying to not answer, to be silent, he finally confessed that he had once also. So now, I am one person away from C in a sex web, which, for whatever reasons (um, my insane crush) has me realy excited. And then this other boy, Anthony's friend, who was mildly hitting on me, asked where C had gone, why wasn't I with C, and blah blah blah - basically jealously questioning me about C, obviously thinking C thought something of me. I left the bar, but not before giving Anthony a bloody lip when hugging him goodbye (Um, awesome?). And maybe I could have slept with Christopher, there are other things I could tell you about, like how he also sort of competitively was like, "Oh, who was that?" when Joe said good-bye to me, then asking I was sleeping with him - um, whatevs - he was drunk - but fuck, Anthony has slept with him, and like the jerk he is, said rude things about his performance, but whatevs - I want C so fucking bad and now I am thinking maybe I am an idiot for still not being at that bar and trying my hand, my cock.

Um, I will be at the same bar again tomorrow night, ringing in New Year's with actual people this year - as opposed to last year when I wandered the East Village alone and then got told by a pyschic I was going to be alone my whole life - no joke, it's what she said on New Year's right at midnight (fucking jerk!) - um yeah, so if you don't have plans, come hang out with Joe and I, call me, and let's not take this thing seriously that fills me with all sorts of social anxiety as to whether or not I am cool, when I don't give a shit, or say I don't want to, and then have this night come along that makes me fret about that maybe I actually do care.