He showed me his cock first and then I showed him mine. This, right outside of Fun, and this made me realize how horny I was.

Earlier in the night, I had come to this bar to see Gregg dance. It turned out he wasn't dancing, but Daniel was, and despite not having a cell phone, I managed to run into so many of the people who I would want to see, whom I haven't seen in the past couple weeks. Josh introduced me to some of his friends, three of whom I thought were adorable, one especially so and sort of wanted to make out with any of them. This was my goal for the night. As you may be able to predict because I have no luck with members of the male sex that are under thirty, I went home alone. At some point in the night, I went to the bathroom, only to come back and find all of the hoped for make out partners all gone. I asked Josh if they had left, and he said they had.

It was at this point in the night that I finally went home. I had planned on going home after one drink but wanted to stay and hopefully make out with these boys, so stayed for another and then a third and then a fourth, but finally with these boys gone, I could leave also, that the game was lost and nothing was going to be gained sticking around as the crowd thinned and things would have gotten more and more desperate and certainly infected me also.

And maybe I am fine just looking, maybe it's all I want to do. That boy, Chase, the gogo boy I had written to on Craigslist, he was there also. And he said hi to me, said Hi Charlie, and I was really surprised that he remembered my name, but even this boy who I had liked so much for a couple days, that I had had daydreams about touching, lying next to, that even this boy, when I actually began to talk to him last night, it all unraveled. As it would have to, unless he were God (even then, who knows) - and the conversation was awkward and kind of awful because what do you say to a boy who you wrote a really nice letter to sort of praising them and talking about the visual thrills, the plain good feeling to be gotten from the sight of a cute boy, that really what is there to say that hasn't been said except to say that I didn't mean it, and that, something that can't really be said.

I came home, horny, not so much lonely as hungry, and masturbated in my bed, tried to do so to specific fantasies, but the slight drunkenness prevented even that level of concentration, and so I treated it like a job, that just come and you can go to bed, just do that and you can sleep.