This is at least, at the very least, my second night in a row, nursing myself to sleep with a ham and cheese sandwich from La Bonita. Tonight, I don't how it started and even more so, how it ended. I am way drunk, more so than I have been in a while. But I think it started after making myself some yummy vegan pesto and faux meatballs with Greg here in my apartment, drinking beer and watching David Byrne's True Stories. Then there was a drink or two at Metropolitan before heading off to Royal Oak, spending half my time outside on the phone talking to Bonnie, and then running into Paul who supposedly was going to a party Ashton had told him about.

Ashton was the impetus of my night, the reason I ended up going to Royal Oak, because according to Greg, according to his crush, this boy, Ashton, my crush was supposed to be there. He wasn't there and when Paul told me about this party, my hunt for Ashton, my desire, the game to make out with him took new form, and I pressed Paul and his friends to go to this party quickly, now, now, now - leave Royal Oak. Josh was one of these boys, another one of my crushes - and we ended up leaving the bar but for some reason not going to the party - instead going to Savalas, where I danced a lot, probably really silly, and drank drinks that people had left along the wall. I stared at Josh a lot, dreaming of his dick in my mouth, of his whole body in my mouth, all of it so beautiful - and you know, it didn't happen - but we walked, all of us boys, toward Paul's house afterward to watch Six Feet Under and I walked behind Josh, watching his feet, his calves - he was wearing shorts - pick up and drop as he walked and imagined the dirtiest of scenarios, which even in my drunken state I hesitate to tell you - but yes, we had wonderful sex in my mind and at some point we passed Christopher and my mind passed to other sex scenarios, and eventually I said goodbye to the homos and made my way to La Bonita for the ham and cheese sandwich which was consumed and which made me tired enough to climb into bed, which I am about to do, but not tired enough to not imagine Josh naked and on top of me, his gorgeous self, and this, more than the two fifty that the ham and cheese set me back, is going to put me to sleep so well you cannot even imagine, and for all of zero dollars, and though I have never seen him naked, let me tell you, his dick, in my dreams, is awe inspiring.