dedicated to Ann M. Martin

Fucking shit is all I have to say - I am just so disppointed right now, all I wanted was some hot sex tonight, some hot sex with a Mister Giancarlo. People, I am even going to let you in on a little hush-hush secret to let you know the depths of patheticness, the intensitity of my wanting to have sex with Giancarlo, my just all-around loserness. So today, after getting home from work, after daydreaming all day about Giancarlo, after calling his house and leaving a message for him, I decided to trim my pubes in the hopes that I would be sleeping with Giancarlo since he talked about how he liked them trimmed. I even shaved my asshole like his, like he said he thinks is hot, hoping that I would be sleeping with him again, hoping that we would be able to hang out on Thursday, today, like he said we might be able to do a couple of days ago.

But no, no, no, and goddamn no. I just walked into the house in a happy/tired mood with a cup of coffee in the hopes of medicating myself into a happy/energetic mood and was handed the phone by one of the agriculture boys, and it was his lovely voice on the other end and I got way more energetic than any amount of coffee would have been able to do, getting giddy talking to him on the phone, asking him if he had plans for tonight - and goddamn he does, he is going out with his friends to the Green motherfucking Bush and then later to Club-5. He told me I should meet him at Club-5 later tonight, but fucking hell if I am going to drive to that club all the way wherever it is, when I can just walk to the Rainbow Room and dance with Bonnie and the PIRGers. So he told me that I should meet him at the Green Bush. You, my non-Madison residing readers know just as much about the Green Bush as I do. I had never heard of it, and have no fucking clue where it is. I told Giancarlo this, told him this again after he tried to explain what it was by, naming places just as familiar sounding as the Green fucking Bush. And I told him that maybe I'd meet him at Club-5, but I knew I wasn't really going to and so did he, and goddamn it, I really wanted to have sex with him tonight. With him. It's not just sex I want because I know I could easily get that at the Rainbow Room, I wanted to have rough sex with Giancarlo, to have him bite me way too hard, to ease his fingers, his nails out of my side, lifting their death grip.

I am so lame. I was even thinking about how tired I would be at work, how I probably just wouldn't sleep tonight, and should just wear something I could wear into work tomorrow, and how I would drink lots of coffee at work to get through the day. Hey, you would be pathatic like this too, if you had eight hours of time to kill, sitting in a cubicle all day with nothing to do but dream, dream, dream like those motherfucking Everly Brothers said. Fucking hell. And, being gay is okay these days - I didn't care what the scary ag boy who handed me the phone thought when I told Giancarlo how much I wanted to see him, to get together again with him. Die ag boy, die. I am such a teen girl cliche - every boy that blows me off, that is just the right amount of bitchy to me, these are the boys I love, the ones that I daydream about cuddling up next to - the boys that are nice to me, that call me, that are too kind, these are the ones I cannot stomach, the ones I want to kick in the teeth. And so, my Giancarlo crush is growing out of control, boy oh boy, I like that boy so much, and hope I can get some more sex from him before I leave Madison. God, I know it's been a while since I've done this prayer thing, but if you could somehow make Giancarlo change his plans, maybe make his friend's car break down, or maybe have Club-5 shut down for health violations or something, I would be so so happy and would pray everyday. Please lord, align the stars to let me have some hot sex with Giancarlo tonight, I mean is that so wrong to want? Amen.