cheese state dreams

fuck the world. fuck diaryland for closing after i just spent an hour and a half writing and rambling about everything in my life. i stole lots of drugs from work today - this st. john's wort-kava liquid extract and this valerian-poppy liquid extract. i have consumed so much of them and am so mellow and tired, and goddamn i am never going to be able to write anything that i had just wrote. cliff's notes of the goddamn thing:

-i was an asshole to some guy on the metro who tried to make conversation with me
-last night as i was walking to the metro, i was harrassed by two punk teenage thugs who asked me where the gay club was. self-loathing. am i really that flaming? i was wearing jeans, sneakers and a fucking sweater
-some thoughts on diaries, prompted by own tiredness with mine. considering passwording it, so that i will quit being concerned about what reader's reaction will be, which led into me trying not to care about the reader's response by talking about:
-how wonderful my boner felt this morning when i woke up. i stayed in bed for a good hour or so, enjoying the feeling of my cock against my sheets as i was half asleep. it felt like a yawn. tiredness and stretched muscles and some wonderful feeling of comfort.
-i got an e-mail from bonnie today that made my day after being all tired out from work. so much gossip = so much charlie happiness. marky mark is working at the 4 winds, which sounds so cute. and shane. the name enough made me so happy. no one has given me shane gossip since like the summer. but the e-mail also made me feel really alien from new college. and most of the news made me feel distant, like i used to be friends with that person, but hearing about their life sounds like hearing about a friend of a friend. time, space, and lack of love are all pretty good amnesiacs by themselves. but unstoppable when working in concert.
-two deaf people just started working at yes, and i trained them which was at first somewhat difficult and intimidating because i didn't know how to communicate. but they read lips, and by the end of the day we were having fun conversation. and i really like both sharon and the boy whose name i can't remember a lot.
-and then i was going to talk about elton john, how i am beginning to like his greatest hits tape. i used to listen to jasmine's cd when it was at our house. but just to "bennie and the jets." but now, after hearing "your song" at work everyday, i am starting to like the whole tape.
-i'm thinking about going to madison for the summer. there are lots of cheap place being sublet. and i sort of really want to go.

ahh, and bonnie just said on aim, that she'll live in madison with me. okay, bonnie has made my day twice today. i am so excited right now about madison.