they refer to it as friday, or so i am told

tonight was beautiful. not just tonight - today was beautiful. every day is, in fact, not just today. today, i was simply aware of this beauty. sometimes - in fact, a lot of the times - i forget exactly how beautiful life is. but then, i'll see a reflection of the night sky in the potomac, or feel a chill breeze that makes me wish i had worn a hat, or drive by a runover cat that makes me cringe, and i become completely aware (or at least more so aware) of what people mean when they say that they are high on life. the next time i hear some old person say it, i'll probably still think that they are cheesy and will not relate at all. but, there are those moments when i do get it - when i feel chills down my spine and sing songs slowly like i am stevie fucking nicks or someone.

i woke up at six, worked for eight hours, came home at five, wiped out on the couch, wavered between taking a nap and trying to leave the house before six to go catch a seven-thirty showing of the man who wasn't there, which was playing at the cineplex odeon foundry in georgetown for three bucks. i decided that, as tired as i was, i should go see this movie since i've been meaning to see it for months and it probably won't be playing anymore the next time i'm motivated to go see it.

i think about calling someone to go with me. i decide against it, thinking that it would be good for me to go to the movies by myself. i run upstairs to grab a pair of shoes out of my room, and for some reason (horniness? lots of energy? danciness?), start doing a pole dance against my door frame. does anyone else do this, or am i the only freak? sometimes when i'm about to take a shower, i pretend i'm a stripper or an exotic dancer and do a little show for myself. well, dancing up against my doorframe got me horny, and i decided to masturbate before i left for the movies. this was a bad idea. probably the #1 reason that i ended up being late to the movie. i came on piece of notebook paper, threw it away, got the pair of shoes that i came upstairs for in the first place, peed, and then left for the metro station.

i rode the metro to rosslyn, since i did not feel like driving to georgetown. for those of you who were never a high school student in alexandria who occasionally hung out in georgetown - georgetown does not have a metro stop, the closest one is rosslyn, which is right across the river in virginia. you just have to walk across the key bridge over the potomac river. i have not walked across the key bridge since probably 11th grade - after that point there was usually someone that could drive into dc.

well, walking over the key bridge is one of my favorite walks ever. it brought up so many pleasant memories of high school. the sky was gorgeous. its reflection in the river's ripples was even more so. the dark trees on columbia island, the lit up kennedy center, a distant washington monument, and other postcard vista scenes being transmitted by my eyes to some area of my brain that responded with happiness and nostalgia. the cold wind blew against my ears. i cupped them with my hands to warm them. and the world was all right. i was not self-conscious at all about going to the movies by myself on a friday night. i was proud of it. i don't know why i have never done this before. i got to the movies at 7:40, and the film started at 7:15. i thought about seeing mullholland driveagain since it was starting soon, but thought that if i didn't see this movie now, then i might never see it. so i bought my ticket, after explaining to the ticketseller about three times, that yes, i want to see the 7:15 showing, no, i don't care that i've missed half an hour. i sat in the last row, not wanting to have to climb over anybody.

i don't even think there is one thing that the film could have done to make me not like it. i love black and white movies, no matter what. and then if they're noirs, oh boy, i love them even more. i was real impressed with the coens' b+w work. it was a little too polished, they had like every noir shadow effect possible - but again, it was pretty damn impressive. did i mention that i was tired? so i fell asleep about twenty minutes after getting there, not really paying too much attention to the plot, just being enamored with the camerawork, wishing i went to a school with a photo program, where i could learn how to take decent b+w prints. oh, and i decided that i am going to start saving up money to buy some darkroom equipment. i have not printed a picture in three years. so yeah, i fell asleep for about half an hour, before waking up and being even more clueless to the plot. but, i still really loved the parts of the movie that i did see, and might go see it again this week, or may just rent it.

afterwards, i walked over the c and o canal, stopping to drop spit into it, and then stopped at starbucks. shut-up about starbucks, this is georgetown. okay? walked along busy m street with my coffee, looking at all the chic groups of people walking around. and they too were beautiful, not because they were trying their damnedest in their posh outfits, but because they were here with me. we were here under the sky, happy as clams, doing our things, living. most of these people doing the most beautiful thing ever - attempting to mate. cruising bars, looking for a suitable partner to bone. they were of noble pursuits. and the wind would blow, and we, a collective of people in love, would simultaneously clench our coats and gaze towards the wind, looking for the source of it all - for god. and i smiled at them, at the sky, and drank my hot coffee. warmness going down my throat, through my insides, and the chilly air brushes the surface of my skin - and the sensation of both at the same time was heaven. and who said we couldn't be the source? or maybe we knew that, and we weren't looking off into the distance for the source of the wind - but our eyes were focused closer. we were looking at ourselves - at each other - at the mass of us. the source.