"anyway you want it - that's the way you need it"

my heart beat scares me sometimes. i stuck my hand under my shirt, placed my right hand over my left breast, sat silently and felt my heart pump pump pump. for some reason, it creeped me out, but i'm going to try to do this more often because it makes me aware of my fragility. it's a pretty cool feeling, that helps keep my inflated sense of self in check, reminding me that i am mortal - that i am just a tiny little animal.

today i decided that i am taking a semester off for sure. i am going to call hunter and new college tomorrow, and apply for some jobs around here and think about what i want do with my life. i am listening to a journey album that i just got at target, and i sort of really love it. monster ballads always make me feel like i am just about to graduate from high school - both giddy with excitement and sad with nostalgia about life's potential.