the big bad wolf

>From: "charlie quiroz"
To: [daina]@hotmail.com
Subject: who's afraid of the big bad wolf?? it's me, it's me. [SING IT NOW!!]
Date: Sun, 24 Dec 2000 22:39:25 -0500

daina is a punk, how's life with you and whatnot, better?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

today i think was my last day at borders since the x-mas season is over, i don't think they'll need me anymore

i just got back home from church with my family a little while ago, it was bad, first i fell asleep and kept nodding off and swaying during the sermon, then while they were preparing the eurachist and it was quiet and solemn in this packed church, i burst out lauging, me and my sister both had a wild seizure of giggles because the people ahead of us, a teen girl and her old mom danced (and i mean shook their fucking ass) to every single song, and these ain't no fun baptist songs, these are stodgy, organ-led catholic songs, and they were groovin away and in sync with each other -- i mean i just went hysterical, i have seriously not laughed that hard in years, meanwhile my mom is shushing me and being very embarrased, so finally i got up and walked out and laughed and laughed outside, and waited for my family and for mass to end

oh, and i got a huge ego booster at work today, this gay friend of one of my co-workers was there today and told me he had a crush on me after following me around the store and being all cute all day, but i wasn't really attracted to him, he was a little too gay, he had a really faggy voice, but he was pretty cute -- so i made up some bullshit and told him i was with someone at school and blah blah lie lie lie -- but i might end up calling him, he'd help my numbers

oh, and there was this french boy that i was stalking today in borders, he was so cute, and he had a girlfriend, but he was from paris, and he had the thickest accent and he was so hot, and i talked to him forever about books and photography, and i was so obsessed, but it was fun to flirt with a straight boy -- straight boys are so much more fun to hit on, i don't know why

jill scott is playing thursday in dc, and if i can scrape up some cash and if it's not sold out, i'm going, and i think nora might be up here then, so i might try to get her to go to, which would be a blast

daina, we'll be back at school soon, isn't that so exciting, get excited yo!! we're going to rock out the place, and we're going to get with shane. yeah baby, jan 2001, look out!!

hold down florida

wls

gots to go before santa gets here

charlie

alliteration at its best

Mary mary quite contrary and other lines you must have heard five million times:

did you hear, mr chorpennning won? that was exciting. How are things in texas, miss miller, and is it true what they say, is everything big in texas, if you know what im talking about, and im sure you do, becuase your mind is even further in the gutter than mine.

well, i just ate and so i feel that i must complain about the food. THe food is just as awful here; dinner is served at 4:30!!!!! and they stop serving it at 6, and the food is awful, thank god i have a microwave otherwise i'd die. And do you know how many times i am startving at about 9, i can't even tell you, its ridicoulous. It's not even like the food at home was all that great, but this is just baad! (Notice the extended 'a' to emphazise just how awful it really is.)

everyday me and nora whine about how we're not getting any, and stare at all the hot people that walk by us. There is however a boy here that i am obsessed over, literally. his name is Shane, ( and he's from texas, and according to what his best freind and girlfreind told me, he is big, in fact they even said huge, and this was volunteered info from one of his male freinds, so im thiinking its not hyperbole) he is so fucking gorgeous, except that he's kind of really straight, and kind of has a girlfriend, but i'm still obsessing over him. his girlfreind's anna, and i told her all about my obsession--she thinks its great, so he knows that im obsessed with him, but oh well, and now i have a mini licese plate that says shane that i stole form wal-mart and i carry it in my pocket everywhere (am i scaring you yet?) and i take it out to pet it and have other people pet it, everyone knows that im obsessed with him because i ask just about everyone to pet the license plate.

i have a job interview tomorrow at UPS, i might become a package handler from 4:30 am to 9:30 am on weekdays. That'll probably last for about two days until i get tired of waking up that early, but hopefully i'll get a UPS uniform and i can keep that.

today, i went to a Head Start location and took pictures for one of my class projects. The site is contaminated with arsenic, but the kids are still there, because they've determined it's not dangerous. And that really makes me mad, because i think that the only reason those kids are still there is because it's in a poor neighborhood. If they had found arsenic at a pre-school in a rich white suburban neighborhood, that place would be shut down so quickly, and those kids would be going someplace else. but, the sad thing here ( and the thing that upsets me) is that these kids really can't go any place else because Head Start helps underprivleged kids and so they probably wouldn't be able to afford to send their childern to day care, yet the county is claiming that they've done tests on the soil and determined that there's no serious health risks. I'm kind of excitied because the activist in me is starting to come out again.

And well, miss mary miller (alliteration at its finest), i must now depart.

--a charlie quiroz

and mass hysteria ensued

From: "charlie q"

To: [sarah]@hotmail.com
Subject: mass hysteria ensued afterwards
Date: Sun, 22 Oct 2000 18:37:38 EDT
sarah sarah bo barra bannanna fanna bo merra me my moe SAR-AH!
sarah, it is so wonderful to hear from you and to hear that life is crazy with you, that is what i like to hear,,
life here is pretty hectic too, charles is coming down again next weekend and so i'm excited about that, AND next weekend is halloween PCP,
i just started a new job yesterday, i'm a busboy at this really fancy french restaurant (i don't know if i ever told you this but i quit applebee'sw after like two days). the place is so rad, they fed me twice yesterday, and everyone is so nice, people wear like suits to eat there, it is so insane. but the owner wasn't there yesterday, so i didn't get to talk about pay, i don't know how often we get payed but i hope payday is this friday so i can buy shit for pcp on saturday, and i didn't get any tipshares last nite since it was my first day and i was in training but i think next time i work i do, so thats why i want to work this week, i have to call on tuesday to find out what my schedule is,
fall break was this week, tomorrow school starts again, it was so nice, i just lounged about all day and did none of the work that i planned on catching up on, i just partied like every nite,
and last nite, after i got off work was so so so fun, it was definitly the most fun nite i've had this school year -- - me, rebecca, arriana, robbie, and robert snuck into this party at the ringling museum, we hoped the fence to get in, it was really swank, everyone was in tuxes, so i just work black dress pants and a white shirt since i didn't have a tux, and the girls were nice black dresses-- it was like a $200 a person party, it was so fancy, and we got served drinks once we got in and danced until the party was over, then we stole a couple of the wine bottles that were sitting out on the tables and went back to school
so then at school me and lindsey and arianna finished off the two wine bottles, and went to the wall, it was so much fun, it was the best music that they've had a wall all year, and was just so crazy, then i took a lot of shots then i drank lots of beer, i was so trashed, i talked to shane (who i've been obsessed with since last year) for like half an hour and i sat on his lap, and we flirted so much even though hes so straight, but he was so trashed that he humored me and flirted back -- that made me so excited, then i flirted with all these random people( boys and girls) forever, then after the wall me and clay and lauren all started making out in the middle of palm court, and that was lots of fun, and then we started walking back to the dorms - we all realized how trashed we were, since we could barely walk and we were all about to pass out, that we all just went back to our rooms to puke and go to bed
well i'll more later. i'm going to go take a nap now, adios miss p --catch you on the flip side
luv
charlie

whatever's fine

From the Archives
Okay, this one here is real embarrasing and I don't even know why I am putting it up here since the writing is so silly, but you know whatever. It's about Britt Dunn.

Yesterday, my bracelet br oke

the handmade circle encompassing my wrist had not been taken off once since it was put on over a week ago by a member of the male gender whom I liked for more than a

friend, but as I was told a couple of days ago the feeling was not mutual

Even, as he said those words that he didn’t want a relationship and was only interested in

casual sex I still wanted to press my lips against his and run my hand over the back of his head feeling the sensation that his short hair passing under my hand produces concurrently while experiencing the warm moisture of his lips and falsely feeling a sense of security - that the kiss was more than just a prelude to casual sex

But, while part of my mind was yearning to kiss him another part of my mind was reeling from the words that just emitted from that same mouth I wanted to kiss and it was that part of my mind that took control of my vocals when he asked me how I felt, and what did I think

and instead of telling him that I truly liked him and that he was the first person I have felt that way about that he made me feel fabulous, free, fantastic, frenetic, flowery, flammable, full, and oh fuck alliteration- he made me feel good

instead of telling him that when I saw him I got excited that I did want a relationship and that I wanted to feel that sense of security that is brought with his kiss and that I am so so sorry that I am constrained by language and that my words fall short of describing the indescribable feelings you produce in me

but, it was that part of my mind that was reeling and melancholy and experiencing a catharsis of emotions that took control of my vocals and instead of saying all that to his question asking how I felt: simply responded: whatever’s fine

he then asked me if I wanted to go back to his room and watch a movie that had yet to be determined with his friends

and again the same part of my mind responded: no, not really. and so he left with my optimism and I remained with my racing thoughts

After, he had made me the bracelet and tied it around my right wrist I experienced for the first time that fabalized version of a kiss that had that feeling that feeling I have for so long heard described and eulogized

and spending the night in his arms and in his twin-sized bed did not feel casual

kissing him the next morning with his less than minty fresh breath and his groggy, just woke up face still had that feeling

and it was that feeling that I longed to re-experience as he told me that I was nothing more to him than casual sex

and so maybe it was a good thing that the wire bracelet he had made me broke, but the operative word in that previous phrase is maybe

if this experience had not been real if it had been a story by Hawthorne or Melville or one of those other Romantics who took too much joy in creating potent symbols to reflect the state of their characters than there would have been so much symbolism in the bracelet the now broken bracelet that was made from a red wire specked with blue and whose breaking would serve as a metaphor for the break in our relationship

or, since it’s not a “relationship.” as he, himself informed me a few days ago, it would serve as a metaphor for the break in our

casual sex

boys

yo sarah,

i'm so glad to hear that your life is going so good. 26 hrs a wk? you are so intense, i would fold so quickly if i worked that much and went to school, you are definitly a rad girl!

so me and clay are no more. we had had an open something, but it was more difficult than i had thought. firday nite when we rolled, he was all over all these gross gay boys, namely louis (if they were hot boys i wouldn't have minded so much) and he didn't play with me much, i wasn't in the getting all up on everybody mood so i left the party and went and hung out with a bunch of people in palm court and talked to them. then later in the nite, like at 6, i was like i'm going back to my room you should come, because i really wanted to play and hang out with him, without all these nasty (non-rolling) gay boys who were all over him, and he was like i'm going to hang out here for a little while longer, so was like okay, whatever and went back to my room and listened to music, and was nice and cerebral, you know how you can just sit there and think forever about your life.

so i woke up the next day for dance and he still hadn't come back, he was asleep up in my friends room upstairs (lisa) because he said he didn't want to come in late and wake me up, and then later in the day i really wanted to watch the sunset and i asked him if he wanted to get up and come with me and he wanted to keep on sleeping, and then while i was at the bay watching the sunset i thought forever and ever about how much this boy could hurt me (like he did to dennis - the boy he was with when i got with him), and so i decided that i didn't have the emontional fortitude to handle him, and he was far too self-absorbed anyways so i told him that he had to move out of my room, but we are still amiable and friendly with each other, and he even left his tv/vcr in here (yee-hah!) bc he didn't have anywhere else to put it i guess.

then sat nite i met this really rad boy named charles and he's so cool and rad, he was visiting his brother who lives in sarasota, (charles lives in tallahassee ( 8 hrs away)), but i hung out with him all weekend before he left on mon morning and he's so fucking cool and he's going to come back down in like 3 or 4 weeks so thats exciting

-charlie

satan escapes from hell

From: "charlie q"

To: [rebecca]@hotmail.com

Subject: yo punk

Date: Thu, 25 May 2000 16:03:40 EDT

yo rebecca,

sarah was not too concerned about her car at all, it was still sitting on the side of the road when i came back from the airport, she finally went out to go get it and just told triple a that she was driving it, so it all worked out good, and she kept apoligizing, but i don't know why, i feel like it was kind of my fault,

did you have any more problems getting home on the satan escaped from hell? i wish i would have went home when you did, i was so bored yesterday, i've started packing, there is nothing to do, i've realized that next year i'm definitly going to try to make lots of new friends, because you and nora are about the only people i do things with. you are gone, and nora's always with phil and that whole group up in his room, and anne is never here and when she is she's insane, so i can't wait to go home rebecca, i can't even tell you,, oh and call me this summer so we can hang out miss re-bec-ca, (660-6371), and yo, what's your number, maggie wants to know too, i was talking to her today and surprise she lost your info, so i told her your e-mail address, but said i did not know your phone numero, so what is it punk?

and i'm in the media center right now, waiting for my cd's to burn, evan starts working at 5(in about an hour, so i'm excited about that), oh and i stole so many cd's from barnes and nobles, me and nora stole mucho mucho (ccr, bob seger, portishead, zap momma, gospel, janis, depeche mode, and so much more) , oh-- and then we went to best buy dumpsters to get boxes since that's where you said you got yours, but there are none back there you liar! so we went to winn-dixie and there like well we have these two tiny bannanna boxes with holes in them that you can have, i was so appalled rebecca,

but tonight will be more exciting, thank god, and soon i will be back in va, how is va miss rw? is it fun and exciting, hot, what's up yo?

and i can't wait for next year to start rebecca, there will be so many new people, hopefully some exciting GAY boys, no more obsessing over straight boys i decided, oh and zack and the rest of bentele clan is here today, i love zack rebecca, and i love keith, the facebook came out yesterday tuesday rebecca, there are exciting pictures of shane and keith and gabe not fully dressed, yee-hah, and i love keith rebecca, do you think he's going to do something like graduate naked? cross your fingers for me miss wood?

oh, and i applied for a job working on ralph nader's campaign in dc, except they haven't called me back yet, but hopefully i'll get that, we'll see miss wood yo.

write back miss wood

-mister q

she blinded me with science

From: "Maurice Q"

To: [joni]@hotmail.com
Subject: she's poetry in motion . . . she blinded me with science
Date: Tue, 02 May 2000 01:17:12 EDT

joni joni,

i don't know. when are you coming to visit new college? when am i coming to visit rutgers? sometime , we'll work that out. how's life with you, when do your classes end, when are you going to be home, share, share, share

last week, two horrible encounters with feminists, caroyl adams came to our school to talk about the sexual politics of meat. and she asked if the audience wanted the lights on or off during her slide show, there were like 5 guys and 30 girls, no one was responding and so i said, "it's easier to see with the lights off." a seemingly harmless answer, right? she said, "no, um, there tends to be a male female dynamic so why don't we let a female respond, a female said the exact same thing because there is not a fucking male female dynamic about the fact that is easier to see slides with the lights off. and so i hated her from the gitgo, and so did my two friends i went with, who were girls and also thought the woman was stupid and way too self-righteous. and so after her talk, the three of us were so inflamed by her critique of how meat subjugates women that we were like "MEAT!!!" and we wanted to go to hooters and eat lots and lots of meat, since she criticized hooters in particular, but it was too far and too late, so we went to outback and ate lots of grr meat and talked about how much we hated that women and the foibles of feminists.

and later that week, this socialist feminist came to talk to my LatAm studies class, and their was a question session, and she said capitalism exploits women, and i asked her what she thought about camille paglia who said, "capitalism has given women economic independence for the first time since mastodons roamed the earth." and oh boy did she go off, she ranted for a good ten minutes about the evils of capitalism and how much she hates people like paglia. so i set off two feminists last week, how many will i set off this week? wait and see in next week's version of the charlie chronicles: adventures in feminist theory.

and i do love some feminists, i'm doing some photo stuff for some of them, i've been in the darkroom every night until about six in the morning developing pictures for muffy magazine, which is due at the printer tomorrow, and i'm so glad that i finished that so now i can actually do school work,

i worked tonite for the alumni assocition making fundraising calls which was kind of fun and i stole a bunch of pens from them, oh and about stealing, sat i also stole so many cd's from barnes and nobles, my friend sam works there and he told me how to steal cds from there (you just slice the magnetic strip down the middle with a razor, so many nora went and she and her breasts distracted the salesdude and i stole us about 11 cds -- it was so fun, and now i have all these new fun cd's, christmas in may hooray

and i have so much school shit that is looming over my head as the deadlines are all quickly converging, but it's time to go play

oh, and listen to this noise, room draw is tomorrow, and me, nora, anne, and rebecca are trying to get a suite and we're probably not even going to get it since we're in like the last time slot, and 90 percent of the people are trying to get a suite next year, so that kind of sucks and so i might be living off campus next year, which i have mixed feelings about, it'd be cool but it'd also kind of suck since this school is so small, and everything happens in the dorms, it's such a community and i don't think i'm ready to leave yet, but we'll see what happens at 12.30 tomorrow when we have to go to room draw

and write back and tell me all the details of your life, when do you get out of school, when are you going home (are you going home), and all that good stuff

oh and i didn't get that research assistant position i applied for, but i still haven't heard back from the st. louis thingy, but if i don't get that i'll be at home and hopefully working, and it's going to be so crazy, because my friend rebecca lives in arlington, and i have a couple friends who are going to be working in dc, and i'll get to see all my friends from school, and see my family and so the more and more i think about that that's what i'd really like to do. but we'll see

ya ya ya charlie qurioz ay ay ay

fight with leslie

you know what, charlie? i don't want to talk to you. i'm over this, i'm above this bullshit, i don't have time for it, i don't want to deal with it, i gain no pleasure from talking about it, or talking to you in general, in fact, i'm rather disgusted by you right now. run and lock your door, bitch

On Wed, 03 May 2000 01:35:04 EDT "Maurice Q"

leslie: a couple of things. speaking on the subject of cognitive dissonance and character flaws, amnesty and pacifism vs. beating people with guitars and vaccum cleaners. practice what you preach, you violent bitch. and i know you don't like the word bitch, but i don't care (probably part of the facade, right?)

and i can't even believe you're going to criticize me for telling people about you beating me, i have not told anybody save for rebecca and nora (two of my closer friends with here) about the spiff between you and I. you, on the other hand have told just about anybody who would listen to your sordid, oh please pity me tale. rebecca has told me you tell random people about the fact that you hate me (keith, nora, etc.). i on the other hand try to keep what i thought was between you and me, between you and me, i don't feel the need to air my dirty laundry. today was the first day i told anybody about this, and this was just kim, keith, and maggie (all ra's who i feel comfortable with talking about the violence you directed towards me).

and i was already to make up with you last night and today, but both times you made that impossible tripping over your own smugness, getting into semantics, the meaning of shitty when i was trying to have a serious discussion about our friendship or lack thereof, but you could not do it, you skirted the subject of your shitty treatment towards me, a supposed friend (at the time? at least i thought so) --- and so it was only then that i had had my fill of you and your shittiness (whatever the fuck you want to interpret that to mean), you cocky bitch, and i'd like to say with a bit of delight: go eat shit, i'm through with you, i thought i could possibly be friends with you again, but today you refused even that option, so please you are no longer a part of my life, so do not call my room at 9 in the morning or whatever the fuck silly games you continue to play, and it feels so so good to say that i don't give a shit about you, and to say it honestly, to have the weight of you and the emptionial strige you brought with you off my back, the pain you enjoyed inducing in my feelings, just your utter lack of care for me,, no more do i have to deal with it, and i have never sent a copy of the e-mails you have written me to anyone so what the fuck you are talking about i don't know

so i guess just go to hell and please stop throwing yourself into my life by throwing huge objects at me with non benign intentions. yeah yeah and the preacherman said can i hear an amen

amen
charlie q

----Original Message Follows----
From: leslie j
To: indigopig@hotmail.com
Subject: did you want to see me broken?
Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 00:26:50 –0500

in all earnesty, i have a gut feeling that you won't read this, and that you'll delete it and go on your merry way, singing 'all in the family' and screaming about shane. of course, that's not to suggest that either of those things are the problem at all; i'm all about singing and screaming (obviously)--i only mean to say that i'm taking a big chance here. i feel like you'll probably read this and reply with a too-long diatribe about the fact that 'i'm making character judgements' or a too-angry conflagration of words. oh, or you could just delete it after reading the first line. maybe not, though. maybe i'm being too stereotypical and assuming that you won't do something 'out of character'. i'm sort of hoping so, but you know how that goes. you can't always get what you want. so did you forward the other e-mails to rebecca yet? and nora, too, inevitably? and, out of necessity, your mom? have you told keith bentele about the vacuum cleaner thing yet? how about signs, you could post signs. you could get new college on your side. you could prove to yourself that you're not as unjustified as you thought and that you have a point in your actions and your anger. i'm starting to think that i can't just hint around with you. i've never really gotten that impression from anyone else, i don't know what to do about it. maybe i should say, then, what i'm hinting at: i feel like you need others' approval for your actions. that's all good and fine; you're co-dependant. i don't care about that, i mean, there are, what, 600,000 codependants in the world? there's nothing wrong with it. i can accept it. the problem, however, lies in the fact that you pretend not to be. you, like oh so many others (not naming any names here) are pretending to be something you're not. you're trying so hard, you've almost got yourself convinced. (keep in mind, this is all my opinion; i don't know if that needs a disclaimer, but the fact is, character judgements are just that-character judgements. they're not supposed to be bipartisan, they exist for a purpose) like, in a lot of ways, i feel like you're pretty sure of yourself. you're pretty clear about your facade. i feel like you believe it. just earlier, just earlier today, i feel like you were telling me all about how you don't care what other people think of you and how they feel about you, even if they are your friends, even if they are your mother, and they did set you on fire. and you've said that to me before, that you don't care whether what you say offends me or hurts my feelings or whatever, that you're not in it for other people's acceptance. which, too, is perfectly fine and acceptable, but usually, it's one or the other, not both. and if you don't know this, then you don't know me very well at all (which would actually not be that surprising), but one of few things in the world i can't abide is falsification. in other words, i hate it when people feel compelled to pretend to be something they're not. as i'm sitting here writing this, i'm continually thinking to myself, 'what's the point?', you know, 'why bother?' why bother being mad and throwing vacuum cleaners (i've never done that before, by the way)? why am i wasting my energy on this? i should get over this. i should be like charlie. i shouldn't let it affect me. i should remove myself from the situation. i shouldn't care about this. this is ridiculous, this is an absurd idea.

self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable. - maya angelou

colorblind

From: "Me"

To: [joni]@hotmail.com, [joni]@blackplanet.com
Subject: yeah yeah and the bluesman was color blind so was the cop who i askedaboutmybike
Date: Mon, 24 Apr 2000 03:36:27 EDT

howdy y'all

happy easter, today is the day of resurrection, a celebration of life and renewal and the sun shined gloriously all day today and there was a cool breeze and it was such a lovely florida spring day and you are alive and so am i so yippy yi ki yay

how's your life going, was the easter bunny good to you

my life is going fairly well, it's bordering between sunday and monday, weekend and week, easter and not easter, night and day, it's somewhere around 3.30 and i have massive amounts of reading that i'm trying to get done before class tomorrow and life is going wonderfully,

friday i went and saw these three short love plays with some friends that made me want somebody to love, and yes spring is here, and i am yearning for spirituality, excitment, and somebody to fuck or love

and after the play there was there really awesome reggae band that i watched perform, they were really cool and fun to dance to

then saturday i had a really long interview over the phone that went extremly well for a job this summer in either little rock, st. louis, or boston -- the interview went so so well and so i think i have a pretty good chance of getting the position, but again trying not to count chickens before they hatch and living holistically, not towards an endpoint so taking in the moments that i currently reside in

then sat nite was fetish ball, lots of people in phallic costumes, lots of people in tight black leathry s and m clothing, lots of breasts, lots of random fetishes, i dressed like my fetish, mr king of pop himself, yes yes michael jackson, white glove et all, i even learned how to do the moonwalk for it, so it was really fun, and this wild girl anna came back sat from brazil, shes been there since december, and that just made my night the fact that she was back, she is honestly the wildest person i have ever encountered, and an aura of excitement surrounds her like a cloud, and everyone is pulled into her orbit, including me, she's like the cool naughty boy everyone wanted to be friends with in elementary school, she gave a guy a bloody eye last night -- she lunged him over her head and he landed on his head, his brow scraping against the ground,

and i am not reading, trying to postpone it by writing e-mails, and checking my e-mail and playing on the net, and having random conversations with people, and everything but reading, but as its nearing 4, people are starting to retreat to their beds to have dreams only they are privy too, and i want to sleep -- i'm tired and rambling about nonsensical things as i tend to do when tired, but have to read read read and stream of conciousness is always fun

and read read read so i have to go, and i tell myself its because i have to read . . .

-charlie q

and yeah yeah

the other day a cop asked me if i was color blind cause i went to the cop shop to tell them about my stolen bike and to see if they had found it and he asked me if i was color blind because they had found a purple bike, and why do cops always refer to each other by their last name, like vickers the cop i talked to about my bike, and more random thought would i love to pontificate but i must read, read, .. .. read

-adios (this time i mean it)

charlie q

what howls restrained by decorum

joni,
how are things in the north, miss new jersey, thank you for the card and for being, and for everything you do that makes you shimmer, and me smile
ahh, i haven't written to you in so long, i'm alive, three near death encounters in the past week though.
near death encounter #1: last thursday or some nondescript day like that, I woke up and my foot was huge. We're talking life elephant man like swollen. so i went to the clinic and they thought it was a spider bite, so they gave me a presription for something to cure me.
near death encounter #2: and so i biked to eckerd to get the prescripton fell and i was like feeling athletic or something so i'm like i can hop this two foot tall curb, obviously i was not able to and went down in flames, i ended up somehow getting my leg caught under bike in the fall, so it's all bruised, and my chain fell off so i had to repair my bike halfway between school and eckerd.
near death encounter #3: two days ago i made some macoroni and chReese (the vegan crap) to eat, and after i ate it, i couldn't breathe, i was having like an asthma attack except i'm not asthmatic, so it was really scary and i almost died, i thought i was going to have to go the hospital
and i went to the hospital for similar reasons last friday night -- my friend india, couldn't breathe and then started inflating basically, she got puffy and huge and so an ambulance came, and then my friend leslie and i went to the hospital and were there till like 6 in the morning, she's fine now but they shot her up with a bunch of stuff to make her well again, that was kind of scary
but not everything is near death experiences here, last saturday was so much fun, it was queer ball, a huge party slash dancy thing where evertyone dresses in drag and some brave people perform in the drag show, it was so much fun, i wore the gaudiest red dress ever, it was nothing but sequins, it was so fun, me and nora, anne, and phil were doing esctasy and acid, it was rather insane, and we rode in anne's car there, but of course she locked her keys in the car, and its within walking distance but we were cold and didn't feel like walking back to our dorms when we wanted to go back, so we asked the cop for a ride back kiddingly and we rode in the back of a cop car tripping and in drag, it was so scary, but it was definilty exciting. and it was just such a great great night with dancing and random people all over the place and drugs and friends and everyone you know in drag acting insane, it was such a great night except for one thing, at like 5 in the morning, i wanted to go back to queer ball, and i wanted to ride my bike but i couldn't find it, i forgot to lock it up which i usually do when there's big parties like queer ball with tons of off-campus people but i forgot to, and i could not find it, since i was fucked up and coming down, i was crying because i couldn't find it and i wandered all over campus looking for it (you don't understand how much i loved my bike, i rode it everyday everywhere, i went on biking adventures all the time, and it was such a nice bike, it's like my lungs, i just cannot function without it) but i found leslie, and forgot about my bike and we found community bikes and went back to queer ball-- oh, and somewhat related, i have so much empathy for girls now, after shaving my legs and wearing heels, and make-up and all that crazy stuff you guys to do meet society's standards.
and i have so much shit do get done this weekend, it is going to be insane, tomorrow night i'm going to go see this german opera so that's exciting, the vagina monolgues were performed here last week and they were so awesome, i love that play love love love. i have 3 papers to write this weekend and so so so much reading, plus i'm filling out all this applications and essays for jobs this summer and to be an admissions intern next year, it's insanity.
there's three things that i'm applying to do this summer, one is interning in ny for the the new party, another is interning in missoula for some progressive group (that's the one i really want to do, i would be so excitied if i got to work in mon fuckin tanna), and i'm also applying to be a research assistant on campus, doing some GIS systems work. that would be pretty cool, but we'll see what happens happens
happens happens happening, what is happening with you
love and all those other positive emotions directed towards you
charlie q happened, happens and will happen
adios--
oh and camille paglia fucking rocks, i am reading her right now and so in love with everything she has to say,

silly fight with leslie

i feel like it would be really bizarre if i were to be like, 'well, i can totally make character judgments against you, but DON'T make them against me.' i feel like that would be weird. stupid even, so i suppose i understand your point. i guess that, in a bizarre way, i'm pretty mad at myself for saying some (or most) of the things i said. i don't feel like anger is unjustified, definitely, but i feel like there are ways of handling anger that are inappropriate or whatever. i suddenly feel like a four year old, and i'm like, 'i'm sorry, charlie, i mishandled my anger..' anyway, i'm really excited that i'm replying to your e-mail. i kept telling you that i was going to do it, which is weird, but for some reason, i felt like it was imperative that i respond. i guess the main thing(s) i wanted to say are that (yeah, i guess there are two):

*i do tend to think of mania as being problematic. whether that's a problem i need to resolve within myself, i don't know. honestly, i don't feel like it is. i don't associate the feelings i have for ben harper or for dancing with mania, what can i say? i feel like maybe it's better that way. i feel like in a lot of ways, the reason we put a label like mania on a lot of things is so that we can sweep it under the rug and tell ourselves that it's wrong, and it's unjustified, so it shouldn't exist in the first place. i feel like in a lot of ways, that's kind of what you were saying, 'leslie, you're manic, this isn't real, this will pass'. maybe i'm crazy, but i feel like that's not the best way of dealing with things.

*i don't know if this is like off-topic or whatever, but i feel pretty strongly about democracy as a whole. as a concept, not necessarily in practice, but i feel that the reason that we have laws is because people have spoken, and they've said, 'okay, murder tends to annoy me; this is what's overwhelmingly important to me', and for that reason, we have the US constitution and whatnot. okay, having said that, i feel like it would be bad if we were all to decide, 'okay, fuck the constitution, forget the lives of these people, i'm going to kill people. and smoke pot, for god's sake'. i feel like that would be bad. i don't know if the parallel's really that obvious, but i just want to say that we don't all go doing what we want. that's all i'm saying. of course, i am in love with some of the doctrines of civil disobedience, but i don't feel like that's what i'm talking about.

i guess that's all, really. actually...i'll probably respond more later. bye, charlito, talk to you later, yo~leslie

On Fri, 07 Apr 2000 16:12:46 EDT "Maurice Q"

writes:

i'm slightly more calm now than when i read the first letter you wrote to me, and i thought it would be better to wait this time and collect my emotions before responding to your most recent diatribe against me and the vernacular usage of manic

to open, we'll start with a quote from a mister emerson who said, "Look next from the history of my intellect to the history of my heart. A blank, my lord. I have not the kind of affections of a piegon. Ungenerous & selfish, cautious & cold, I yet wish to be romantic. Have not sufficent feeling to speak a natural hearty welcome to a friend or stranger and yet sent abroad wishes & fancies of a friendship with a man I never knew. There is not in the whole universe of God (my relations to Himself I do not understand) one being to whom I am attached with warm & entire devotion,--not a being to whom I have joined fate for weal or wo, not one whose interests I have nearly & dearly at heart;--and this I say at the most susceptible age of man."

and with that, i will agree slightly with the character judgement you made against me, and that i do have trouble realting to other people sometimes, i am very much so best friends with my mind and at times do not feel the desire to be oh so friendly to others. but on the subject of character judgements, you said that i have not know you long enought to make them against you. but, haven't you known me just as long, so why do you feel that you can make them against me?

I'll hypothesize an answer: because you're leslie fucking j and the only thing of yours that is larger than the decibal level of your constant screeches would be your unjustified ego about your intelligence. and i'll hypothesize another thing while i'm at: you have just as much, if not even more, trouble relating to people.

the problem i have with you right now is that you see this as flaw, i don't. you tell me that i should think before i speak, i say fuck you- i'll say whatever the fuck i feel like saying, i'm not going to censor my thoughts to fit into your narrow framework that you think the world should exist in, and i will continue to use the word manic whenever i feel like it since to quote my good friend mr. webster, mania means "an excessive, persistant enthusiasm, liking, craving, or interest; obsession; craze [a mania for dancing]". you are the one that sees mania as a problem and as something negative, i don't bitch, so stick it up your ass. i am manic about dancing, i am manic about shane and other hot boys; manic does not nessecarily connatate whatever the fuck you believe it does, sorry, but it's the truth. you are raping the base meaning of mania to fit in your schema, but sorry leslie, thats not right. the fact is, contrary to what you said, i do know what i'm talking about.

but, back to character judgements and the many which you shot at me,i would like to respond similary to the way you responded to me, just a little bit more rationally. you have a very loose idea of who i am, i am not a very open person as you pointed out, i do often keep to myself, and i'm very cautious about what i do choose to display so the fact that you think you know me well enough to make an accurate assesment of my character, is why you are so appalled when i "act out of character" or do not fit into the ill-concieved character traits you have assigned me. so go ahead and make all the false descriptions of who you think that i am, but don't be so suprised when they aren't accurate.

and, i don't know where pete came into this discourse. but you said that i do not like pete because i don't agree with her. first of all, i do like pete, i tend to use the words "don't like" and "hate" in exaggeration. but you see the split between me and pete as a disagreement over facts, again you are wrong. it is a disagreement over what is a fact, that divides us. to pete her beliefs are "facts", to me they are far more, they are offensive to me, i see them as almost bigoted, i see them as something far more than facts that is hard to verbalize.

that is where this argument between me and you right now is based, i am in the position of pete and you are me. i see the use of the word "manic" as a fact, you see it as something more than that which you have attempted to verbalize but have fallen short, tripping over your own anger. i will not back down from my stance over the meaning and usage of "mania". you are the one that is not liking someone because you don't agree with my beliefs and my refusal to bow to your pompous self-righteousness. and your right that i don't care what the fuck you say or anybody says, and i would hope you are the same way. i am not too concerned with other people's thoughts and there adherence or disagreemnt with mine. you, appearatnly on the other hand do, and can get over the fact that my beliefs do not align with yours.

and i really don't understand what you were talking about when you said that i can not get along with people that don't agree with me. if that were the case i would not get along with anybody at this school. there are very few people here who like pat bucahanan and are quasi-liberal, quasi-crazy right wing. but see i do get along with tons of differnt people, i.e. nora, rebecca, you (at one point), casi, maggie, india, anne, keith, and just about everyone. there are very few people that i do not get along with. you are the one who cant get along with people because of their beleifs, as evidenced by your harangue of aggressive e-mails.

and on this subject of beliefs, at least i'm honest to mine, and don't agree because i should, or do things that i dont agree with, i.e. you doing amnesty even though on multiple occassions you have said that you don't agree with it.

and with that i shall depart, saying a FRIENDLY fuck you, followed by a quote from depeche mode:

"words are very unnesessary, they can only do harm"

charlie q

From: leslie j

To: indigopig@hotmail.com

Subject: am i making myself clear?

Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2000 14:54:39 -0500

and by the way, you're an idiot--i'm not talking etymology, or forensics, as it is, here. i'm talking about the fact that i don't like the word, bitch. what the hell are you, charlie? i'm talking about the fact that i don't like you using it. i'm talking about the fact that the word offends me, charlie, whether it's 'common vernacular' or not. i don't like it, i don't like the connotations it carries, i don't like your fucked-up 'common american usage' of the word. what the hell, charlie? the fact that you don't know how to use it bothers me some, but what bothers me, charlie, is that you think you can get away with using it in the first place. the fact is, charlie, i am not upset about our fucking argument, charlie. do you get it, charlie? we can talk about our fucking argument, if you want, charlie, i don't care. i care about the fact that you're throwing words like manic around. maybe i should drum up a few slurs here and there to throw at you and then you can find out for yourself what it's like, charlie. charlie, it would be nice if you learned to care about something other than why, factually, new college is wonderful. maybe you should learn to respond to how people feel, charlie. maybe it'd make you a better person

On Fri, 07 Apr 2000 13:47:09 EDT "Maurice Q" writes:

you stupid motherfucker, i can't even deal with your quirkiness sometimes, this is defintily one of those times, in passing i said, "you at times are manic, so i think it will pass" --- i'm very fucking cognizant of the fact that mania is an illness, but i'm also very cognizant (which appaerantly you are not) of the fact that "manic" had entered the popular vernacular quite a while ago, and that it has a slightly adultered meaning from the one you are bitching about,,

and you are the one that is harping on this one word amongst the thousands that i directed towards you in your little fit last night, the fact that you so bothered by this one, i think definilty points towards the fact that this is something that has concerned you, and you have some baggage attached to this word that YOU need to deal with you, punk ass motherfucker,,, i do not need to deal with whatever your concerns over mania or whatever the other fuck illness you think you have,

and your method of dealing with confrontations (is used something you're probably going to harp on as mysgonistic (and i don't care how you spell it, we'll get to that later)) is so pussy. instead of confronting the actual arguments that i presented to you, you instead try to divert attention from issues you don't want to confront by instead delving into etymology, and attempting to dismiss an argument as idiotic, and not factually based well, which in fact it is, but you would rather not confront arguments and instead get into a discourse over irrelevant facts and if they are facts or not. your method in addition to being a pussy is so fucking childish. i can imagine you reading this and doing the exact same thing, sighing "char-lie" in that long drawn out con-da-fucking-sending voice in which you all to frequently talk, "you don't know what you're talking about." so, go ahead and give your fucking childish sigh, questioning the person's intelligence you're arguing with, rather than confronting the points the presented,

your e-mail is perfect evidence of this, our way too long conversation last night where you bitched for i don't know how many hours about how much you hated new college had absolutly nothing to do with psychological illnesses save for the passing reference i made to mania in the extreme phases you go through,

so go present your little arguement and leave out whatever you feel is nessecary for your argument, to rebecca or bonnie or whoever the fuck you need to, to make yourself feel righteous, whatever you need to do to make yourself feel secure,,

and do you still hate new college, or was it just a fucking PHASE? if you still hate it, instead of bitching about your situation and the meaning of words, why the fuck don't you take control over your situation and transfer. simple solution to an even simpler problem.

--charlie q

From: leslie j

To: indigopig@hotmail.com

Subject: barley rice

Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2000 13:24:39 -0500

charlie, i'm mad at you. i'm sorry to say it, but i think i might hate you. i'm pretty upset about a lot of things you said yesterday (do you think i should diagnose you as manic, even though i'm not a psychologist?) do you want to know why i'm upset, charlie? you called me manic. i talked to bonnie and katie and rebecca about it, and they think you're wrong. actually, we're all pretty sure you're wrong. and i'm pretty sure that was an insensitive thing to do, even if i was manic. especially since i have a lot of concerns with mania. and the fact that you brought nora and casi into the equation, that's just bizarre. if i was nora or casi, i'd be pretty upset. and i have a feeling that you haven't been exposed to mental illness, is that right? nora and casi aren't representative of the whole, charlie, but i don't think you need me to tell you that. and even if you have been exposed to mental illness, charlie, you've only known me since august. you don't know whether i'm being manic in a particular situation or not. so i'm mad at you, charlie. i still love you, but i'm...pissed. just telling you (or maybe i'm and perhaps you should look into learning about mania and depression and bipolar disorder and anxiety. they're not all the same thing, yo. i'm sorry if this sounds like an angry e-mail, but i'm pretty upset about it, charlie. and even if i wasn't, i feel like you should think before you speak~

'the worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity." (george bernard shaw)

hello hello

sarah, sarah,

how are you? sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your e-mails, but I've had very little time to write, i am always reading, read read read, for my classes i have so much fucking reading it is so onerous, but it is great to hear that you are having a great time this semester, i've been having a pretty good time too, it' like five in the morning or some nonsense like that, i've been up all night writing essays for this RA application that's due to tomorrow. i just finished it, and so i can breath out and relax. me and my friend leslie are applying to be RA's next year, but we are most defintily not going to get it, we are the only two first years applying and they never pick first years to be RA's and there are so many second and third years applying, but hey there's no harm in applying. at worst i can be told that i didn't get it and at best i could be an ra next year

tonight, was a rather crazy nite, but most nights are here, like on tues nite or wed, there were these african drummers and dancers that came here after a performance at theater or something, this kid cody invited them to come play, so it was so awesome, lots of sutdents brought their drums and there was a huge drumming circle and dancing,, and the african drummers and dancers (who mind you dont even speak english, they only speak french) are still hanging around partying, they were partying like crazy tonite, it was pretty fun, that's why i had to write that applicaion cause i was running around playing. last night there was a lecture by this really awesome photographer and an exhibit of his work, he was so cool, i talked to him for a while and then there were a bunch of student made films that were show after that that were so good, and speaking of last night (actually Wed nite) the days fade into each other, i can never tell where it begins and ends, well anyways i was up till 8 in the morning, doing nothing, i couldn't sleep i was going crazy and everyone was asleep by about 1, so i read for a couple of hours and then at like 4.30 i went for a really long ride along the bay and i came back at 6 and went swimming, it was so serene, no one was anywhere to be seen, and the sun was just starting to poke its head out, i think i may just stay up for another hour tonite and go swimming again when i finish this letter so i can watch the sun rise again, its so pretty

oh and today (thurs) was the first day of this medieval fair which is happening right next to our campus, and lasts till sunday, i was supposed to work at it tomorrow (fri) but seeing how i'm supposed to work in 2 hours at 7

mama said there'll be days like this

rebecca,
nhnh is going wonderfully below (after the line) is summary of nh so far, i'm lazy and just cut and pasted old letters, then below the next line is stuff i wrote today about nh, got it? its not too confusing i hope) yes, i am so getting pumped for our wall, over xmas break, i bought so many cds and recorded so many songs off the radio, our wall is going to be awesome, i am so excited, we should have a really long wall that last until the sun rises, but maybe thats just because i'm in a dancing mood. i'm so upset i didn't get to go to g love, i was planning on going, but then i had to weigh the two: buying my family presents or going to g love, i was strapped for cash over xams break, and so no g love for me. but, how was it? wasn't it awesome? hows life at nc, are there many people there, whats the dealy yo? i have a lot of news that i'm trying to condense into trying to write in this little work break that i took. but over xmas break, i was sort of a ups man, but i got fired and am now banned from ever working at ups again, but i kept the uniform, lots of other interesting stuff that i'll tell you more about later, its so good to hear from you rebecca
---
from jan. 8:i got to nh on monday morning, it was in the mid-50's, i was so mad, i wanted to see snow and there was absoloutly none of it, then i went to the manchester headquarters and worked there that day, and they were confused about my housing situation so i went some place in wester nh, with daniel and slept on the floor, but on the way there the rv he was driving crashed in the mcdonalds drive-thru because it was too tall, all it was quite a scene, i had to try really hard not to laugh
then on tuesday, i dropped off lit on peoples doors in western nh, its such a pretty state, i absoloutly love it here, or at least the scenery, the work's not a blast, then on tuesday night i stayed with the nicest old couple in the world, they were so cute they even slept in seperate beds, and i talked to them at their table for about two hours and they tried to teach me how to play cribbage, i still don't have a clue how to play it, but they were so rad, i loved them, then the next day i had to get up at five, and drive across the state with daniel in the rv to durham, at like 7 in the morning in freezing weather we stood on a road holding up bradley signs for an hour, i was about to cry, it was so cold and i just wanted to go home,
then later on wednesday, we went to a pro-choice speech bradley was giving in new market, and had a little rally, i got to see bradley that was kind of cool.
then we went to someone's house in durham we, we painted ourselves, there were at lest fifty of us there. we all painted our faces, and i painted me chest, i was the e in bill bradley, and stood outside for nearly two hours in twenty degree weather. it was so wild, there was so much fighting between the gore and bradley people, it was kind of silly and there was so much so press
then i stayed in a huge house on a lake and had to sleep on the floor, there were people everywhere, it was crazy--there were like 15 people.
then i am now working in concord, i love it here, its so much better than in western nh, it a little city, its kind of cool, its really fun, i have to run now, i'll write more later,

from jan. 12: it is so crazy up here, i love it, we got no sleep, we work 7 days a week for 12-14 hours a day and i absolutly love it, and the commute to the house i'm staying at is about an hour from concorde, where i'm working right now. oh, and listen to this--last night at Matt's apartment (he's the person in charge of the Concorde office) MTV news was going to be there, they were filming the lives of campaign workers for a story they were going to do, and being as how one of many goals in life is to be on Real World and how much i love the sleaziness of MTV, i wanted to go, and Matt said we could go to his place in Manchester if we wanted, and so me and Andrew (a really cool guy thats also interning up here) went and stayed there with the hopes of some exciting MtV thing transpiring, but it was very sedate, there was only one cameraman, and he just filmed us going to sleep on the floor and waking up, he talked to us for about two minutes. there were about ten people there all with the hopes of being on mtv, it was rather dull and most likely the story won't air, if it does i'll be very surprised.
and so now i'm back in concord, and in the same clothes i wore yesterday and without a shower since all of my stuff was at the beach house, like 2 hours away from matt's house. then this afternoon, bill bradley's going to be here, he's going to be in manchester, and so later this afternoon, we're all going to down there, and here him talk and hopefully add him to my growing list of famous people i've briefly encountered (michael stipe, john mccain, etc.)
from jan 13: we have to get up so early here, monday i had to wake up at 5:30 to go to a high school that was an hour away, and try to get the kids to vote for bradley -- the hs was one that was in seveteen magazine and i recognized it and met someone that was in the magazine, i read it while i was at my little cousin jessica's house, and that humoured me very much that the school was in 17 magazine, he he
but most days we dont have to wake up until around eight
tuesday, i got to meet john mccain, i went and saw him give a speech with a friend in concord, it was kind of cool, we sat in the press section and so that was rather hectic and they gave us a copy of the speech becuase they thought we were part of the press and it was so strange reading on the copy as he was saying the exact same thing verbatim but he read it so well that i wouldnt have even noticed he was reading it, i also got to shake his hand, briefly talk with him and got my picture taken with him, it was so exciting, he's a really nice guy, it was so awesome, i'm adding that to the list of celebrities i've recently met with michael stipe.
it's fun at the place i'm staying, im staying at a beach house at weirs, its on a huge lake, it is so beautiful, and at times there are like 15 people staying there, i still haven't gotten a bed, but i dont really care, sleeping on the floor is actually kind of comfortable, i'm usually so tired when i go to bed, that it wouldnt matter where i was sleeping, the other day, there was a dance party and there and there actually other people that really like prince, i was so excited, i sang along to all the wonderful prince songs
it is so crazy up here, i love it, we got no sleep, we work 7 days a week for 12-14 hours a day and i absolutly love it, and the commute to the house i'm staying at is about an hour from concorde, where i'm working right now. oh, and listen to this--tuesday night at Matt's apartment (he's the person in charge of the Concorde office) MTV news was going to be there, they were filming the lives of campaign workers for a story they were going to do, and being as how one of many goals in life is to be on Real World and how much i love the sleaziness of MTV, i wanted to go, and Matt said we could go to his place in Manchester if we wanted, and so me and Andrew (a really cool guy thats also interning up here) went and stayed there with the hopes of some exciting MtV thing transpiring, but it was very sedate, there was only one cameraman, and he just filmed us going to sleep on the floor and waking up, he talked to us for about two minutes. there were about ten people there all with the hopes of being on mtv, it was rather dull and most likely the story won't air, if it does i'll be very surprised.
and so now then on wed morning, and in the same clothes i wore tuesday and without a shower since all of my stuff was at the beach house, like 2 hours away from matt's house. then that same afternoon, i got to go to a rally in manchester where bill bradley was speaking, it was just for all the interns--it was really cool, afterwords i briefly got to meet him and got my picture with him, so that was all rather cool, then later that night, i got to see him speak at new hampshire college on campaign finance reform with common cause and it was followed by a town meeting, it was such a rad experiance, it was one of the most moving speeches about politics that i've ever heard and it gave me even greater respect for bradly, it was so awesome,
life is wonderfully intense up here i love it.
today (thursday) we got some snow, it made it even cooler, new hampshire is one of the prettiest places in the world, it's so small townish and friendly, almost not real when you're used to suburbs and citys and chain stores, it's a very great thing
----
i'm no longer working in concord, i've been moved to another part of new hampshire where they need more people working--to laconia. It's definitly not as cool a place to work as concord or manchester, since that where the prez candidates make most of their appearances and where all the media is, but this is where true politics happens, these voters out here, ignored by the media really still are going to go and vote, and it's more important to make direct connections with them as i see it than staying in concord, disconnecting from most of the electoarte, and getting to see lots of media and politicos daily. tip o'neil was right on the money when he said all politcs is local
the people in laconia are so nice, it's mostly a blue collar town, and everyone is so friendly. since i'm sure you don't have a clue where laconia is, i'll describe it. it's in the lakes region of nh, lots of frozen lakes and mountains, its really pretty. and i still get to hang out with some of the people from the concord office since i'm living at the same house. it's kind of a flophouse, it's on a beautiful lake--wineapasawkee--it's the setting of the movie what about bob? in case you've ever seen that movie.
it just got really cold here, two days ago was the first snowfall, and it was just a dusting really. then yesterday, it was ten degrees below zero here, with the wind chill factor it was negative forty nine degrees below zero, isn't that insane, it was so cold, i was ready to cry, you've never experianced pain until you've been in the weather. i seriously just wanted to lie down and die, it is the most undesribable pain, but boy does it hurt, and i had to work outside for about 3 hours yesterday. i came close to crying once (that;s the only thing that you feel like doing in that weather: crying) but i didn't but one of the girls i was working with did. we were holding up bradley signs on the side of the road, trying to get cars to honk, and her sign kept blowing away, she chased after it, couldn't catch it, didn't feel like walking back, and just layed down aand cried uncontrollaby outside an office building, one of the women from the office came outside and resued her and let her sit in there for about an hour until she recoverd. and today, it was a little bit warmer in the single didgits, but there was still lots of wind and so it was freezing. tomorrow we're supposed to get 6 to 10 inches of snow, i am so excited about that, i cant wait it for snow, the people in the laconia office are so cool, i already knew them because they lived at the beach house too, and so it is so cool working here, i absolutly love this, it is a blast, although the weather can sometimes be bitter, its still really fun
john mccain is going to be in laconia on monday and our office is going to try and go, possibly go listen, or possibly go and hold a bradley rally, he's one of the few candidates thats going to be in laconia, bc most of the candidates are campaigning in iowa now since their causus is the 26th, but right after that and up until the primary, the candidates are going to criss cross the entire state so we should see hopefully all of them in laconia,
i relly hope bradley wins, he is so awesome,
my happiness here has been tinged with a bit of sadness over the past couple days because more and more of the interns have been leaving for the start of school, the entire concord group, we were all very close and everyone was so awesome dispersed two days ago, as most of the people left for school, and the few remaining ones were sent to work in areas where they needed more people. but most of them are going to come back for primary weekend.
and i must return to trying to get a man elected to the presidency
--charlie q

bradley

From: "Maurice Q"

To: [leslie]@hotmail.com
Subject: bradley
Date: Wed, 12 Jan 2000 22:00:28 EST
hey guess what?
i met mister bill bradley today, these past 48 hours have been exciting: john mccain, mtv, bill bradley, and dick harnes. today when i went to go get breakfast, i met another guy running for prez: dick harnes, he's running on the republican ticket and his thing is a free car for everyone basically, he's absolutly crazy and when i was talking to him i couldn't believe he was serious.
then i went out canvassing today and that was relativly unremarkable, then i went to the manchester hq, and bradley gave a speech there, afterwords i briefly met him, i got to shake his hand, get my picture with him, and i asked him a question, he was fairly cool for the minute that i got to meet him.
than later tonight at 7, i went to a town hall meeting at new hampshire college, where i got to hear bradley again, it was such a moving speech on campaign finance reform, bradley is so inspiring, i was so affected by his speech--it was so good, and then there was q and a, and an actual town hall meeting, it was so cool, this is definitly one of the coolest things i've ever done, now i think i definitly want to get involved in politics, this is where it's at, while i just wrote to tell you that i got to meet bill fucking bradley and i am very excited, it's been such a great day, bradley for president, a new man for a new millenium, i'm so gung-ho about bradley now its crazy, he's so awesome and brilliant.
smile, laugh, and vote
charlie q

shane and real world dreams

From: "Maurice Q"
To: [redacted]@hotmail.com
Subject: shane and real world dreams
Date: Wed, 12 Jan 2000 09:18:13 EST
leslie,
hows your isp going, everything well in memphis, whats the jazz, i want to hear all about your isp, does it involve neuroscience, what exactly are you researching, and tell me more about this publishing thing, are you going to be publish your findings, that would be so cool, i hope it happens, i'm getting very excited for you, tell me more about it!
it's going to be so insane to go back to nc, i'm going to be so confused, everything's going to be so different, not to mention the absence of shane and anna. mmm, dreams about shane will just have to suffice.
what do you think about nc? i'm starting to think about transferring too, i've met lots of people here that go to really good small new england schools and i'm beginning to question the quality of education, i think its a limited education, i dont know, i love nc but i think it has its shortcomings
it is so crazy up here, i love it, we got no sleep, we work 7 days a week for 12-14 hours a day and i absolutly love it, and the commute to the house i'm staying at is about an hour from concorde, where i'm working right now. oh, and listen to this--last night at Matt's apartment (he's the person in charge of the Concorde office) MTV news was going to be there, they were filming the lives of campaign workers for a story they were going to do, and being as how one of many goals in life is to be on Real World and how much i love the sleaziness of MTV, i wanted to go, and Matt said we could go to his place in Manchester if we wanted, and so me and Andrew (a really cool guy thats also interning up here) went and stayed there with the hopes of some exciting MtV thing transpiring, but it was very sedate, there was only one cameraman, and he just filmed us going to sleep on the floor and waking up, he talked to us for about two minutes. there were about ten people there all with the hopes of being on mtv, it was rather dull and most likely the story won't air, if it does i'll be very surprised.
and so now i'm back in concord, and in the same clothes i wore yesterday and without a shower since all of my stuff was at the beach house, like 2 hours away from matt's house. then this afternoon, bill bradley's going to be here, he's going to be in manchester, and so later this afternoon, we're all going to down there, and here him talk and hopefully add him to my growing list of famous people i've briefly encountered (michael stipe, john mccain, etc.)
well, i'll write you more soon, hopefully something interesting will happen to me at manchester today, and i have to run
adios and have fun,
charlie q

new hampshire is a blast

From: "Maurice Q"

To: [leslie]@hotmail.com
Subject: new hampshire is a blast
Date: Fri, 07 Jan 2000 21:45:46 EST
hey --
i got to nh on monday morning, it was in the mid-50's, i was so mad, i wanted to see snow and there was absoloutly none of it, then i went to the manchester headquarters and worked there that day, and they were confused about my housing situation so i went some place in wester nh, with daniel and slept on the floor, but on the way there the rv he was driving crashed in the mcdonalds drive-thru because it was too tall, all it was quite a scene, i had to try really hard not to laugh
then on tuesday, i dropped off lit on peoples doors in western nh, its such a pretty state, i absoloutly love it here, or at least the scenery, the work's not a blast, then on tuesday night i stayed with the nicest old couple in the world, they were so cute they even slept in seperate beds, and i talked to them at their table for about two hours and they tried to teach me how to play cribbage, i still don't have a clue how to play it, but they were so rad, i loved them, then the next day i had to get up at five, and drive across the state with daniel in the rv to durham, at like 7 in the morning in freezing weather we stood on a road holding up bradley signs for an hour, i was about to cry, it was so cold and i just wanted to go home,
then later on wednesday, we went to a pro-choice speech bradley was giving in new market, and had a little rally, i got to see bradley that was kind of cool.
then we went to someone's house in durham we, we painted ourselves, there were at lest fifty of us there. we all painted our faces, and i painted me chest, i was the e in bill bradley, and stood outside for nearly two hours in twenty degree weather. it was so wild, there was so much fighting between the gore and bradley people, it was kind of silly and there was so much so press
then i stayed in a huge house on a lake and had to sleep on the floor, there were people everywhere, it was crazy--there were like 15 people.
then i am now working in concord, i love it here, its so much better than in western nh, it a little city, its kind of cool, its really fun, i have to run now, i'll write more later,
adios and lots of love
charlie